Home With You

Can’t go with you
Won’t go with you

But would you even ask me to

Convincing myself that I can’t have you

At least not in that way
You made that quite clear that day

There’s the part that wants more
And the part that knows I’ll only get less

So for now I’ll just say you do you
And tell myself I won’t be going home with you

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Love?

Twisted in lovers lane
A mix of emotions I can’t, or choose not to explain
How can I go from having “some” feelings to what seems like love overnight

You touched me without touching me
Or rather made me touch myself
I feel your presence here even though you’re clearly not

Not physically but mentally you’re right here next to me
Laying oh so perfectly

Will this sudden rush of feelings go away as quickly as they came
Or will they stand the test of time

Sadly, perhaps thankfully even as I finish this poem I feel those feelings slipping away
And me returning back to normal

Whatever that means

Thoughts

These thoughts they run deep

Like the blood through my veins
And I try to change course but it’s like it’s in vain

So sometimes I feel shame, and sometimes I just embrace
But then that embrace turns into self-hate

And if I can’t be at peace with my own thoughts, then who will
It’s like I’m living in a ghost world, my own Silent Hill

And daylight only breaks when I get distracted by going through my daily motions

Hoping to avoid my really crazy thoughts

But when I’m alone in my head my thoughts aren’t just thoughts
They’re my new reality, my shelter from the world

And then I’m shamed, spooked, scared, awakened back to the real world

Only to slowly fall back into my thoughts again

Same Old Love

I keep going back to you
And pushing you away

Why do I do this

Is it your fault or mine

Will there be a time when we get it right
I really don’t want to have this fight

You can get mad at me, but I can’t at you

But who made that rule

When I’m the only one forcing myself to follow it

The cycle only ends when we both agree to stop it

But for now I guess

We’ll keep each other in our back pockets