Thoughts

These thoughts they run deep

Like the blood through my veins
And I try to change course but it’s like it’s in vain

So sometimes I feel shame, and sometimes I just embrace
But then that embrace turns into self-hate

And if I can’t be at peace with my own thoughts, then who will
It’s like I’m living in a ghost world, my own Silent Hill

And daylight only breaks when I get distracted by going through my daily motions

Hoping to avoid my really crazy thoughts

But when I’m alone in my head my thoughts aren’t just thoughts
They’re my new reality, my shelter from the world

And then I’m shamed, spooked, scared, awakened back to the real world

Only to slowly fall back into my thoughts again

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Secrets

Shame, power, fear, love

The reasons we hide from each other and ourselves

 

Secret lives we keep hidden

Hoping that the world will never be able to peek in

 

But slowly as we grow we decide to include others

Sometimes they stay while other times they may go

 

The purpose of secrets perhaps an attempt to protect ourselves or others

From pain, heartache, embarrassment,

 

In protecting ourselves however

We sometimes hurt others

 

And we always hurt ourselves

MENTOR

Maybe
Everyone
Needs
To
Opt Out
Really

Is a mentor something that is deserved
Or merely needed
How do you know if they've abandoned you, or whether you're just paranoid
Too paranoid to reach out
That just makes you sound stupid if you tell anyone
Have your insecurities about relationships infected every area of your life now
Who can say…

Dreams

Do daydreams mean what I think they do?

 

Why are most of them about you?

 

And when I say you I’m not talking about just one you

But all the ones before, during, and after you

 

Are you all the same?

 

Is the common thread between you your fault or mine?

 

When I dream at night why are you there?

Is it just fulfilling a fantasy or is something hidden there?

 

Can I be honest with you, when I’ve just learned to be honest with myself?

 

The problem isn’t you it’s me

And that’s why I’ll only be with you in dreams

Want

You want all the things that you can’t have

You can’t have all the things that you want

 

Ex-friends, best friends,

boyfriends/girlfriends

 

Whether you choose your circle or it chooses you,

Sometimes you can’t help but wonder about the people you wish you knew

 

Cuddle buddies, make out buddies, twerk buddies,

church buddies?

 

These different roles you try to fill,

But can you find these people when you need to heal

 

Looking to the past

Imagining new futures

 

While time usually seems to move forward, my brain can confuse her

I dream these daydreams and sometimes have very weird thoughts

 

But then I snap out of it, back to the time we call the present

But my presence in the present isn’t always what I expect it to be

 

So I go and imagine all these things that I think I want

But I can’t have them anyway, at least not all of them

 

Because while I may want you, you don’t want me

And that’s just the way it’s gonna be

At Night 

Sleep does not come 

The mind wanders

His thoughts drift back to you

He wonders where things,

No where he went wrong

Can things be salvaged 

Is he doomed to repeat the same mistakes 

Or will thoughts turn into corrective actions

If not there’s always the next night

Where once again his thoughts will drift to you before he can sleep